


Cover me from the wind

by Jjjaded



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Disorder, M/M, One Shot, Panic Attacks, Sweet Bokuto Koutarou, You decide., are they best friends?, are they boyfriends?, please take care of yourself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:41:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24001492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jjjaded/pseuds/Jjjaded
Summary: storms don't last forever, but you probably don't realize it till someone gets you out of it.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 54





	Cover me from the wind

**Author's Note:**

> hi darling, considering the matter of this fic, I wanted to remind you to please take care of yourself and your mental health. <33

Akaashi rushed through the gym and disappeared behind the closing door before anyone had the time to say a word. Maybe somebody was calling his name but he couldn’t even hear his own feet violently stepping away from his team: all he could hear were screeching unpleasant noises and the buzz in his ears caused by the blood rush, making his skin crawl like a fork scratching a plate. Words started forming behind his eyes, sometimes arranging themselves into insults, memories, faces, waves of guilt, they came all together as a snowball rolling down the mountain, getting bigger and bigger as the shattering, clanging, screeching got louder. Akaashi couldn’t stop it, his brain kept on tangling itself and he found himself watching at his pale, terrorized face in the mirror. He did not remember how he got in the bathroom but at this point he was just praying no one would enter by mistake or, even worse, to check on him.  
Luckily, although he wouldn’t say so, a knock came at the door. Akaashi froze.  
Someone opened the door of only a few inches and a gentle voice came through.  
“Akaashi, are you alright?” His jaw clenched, it was Bokuto.  
Because he got no response back, he opened the door a bit more, “Akaashi, wh-”  
“Don’t come in”, the other boy almost shouted, startling his friend, “don’t worry, I’m fine, everything’s fine I just need… a moment to breathe.”  
Bokuto didn’t move, “if that’s the case, wouldn’t you prefer to go outside and get some clean air? I’ll come with you.”  
No, Bokuto didn’t have to see him like this, not again, it would disappoint him, it would make him sad, and God forbid everyone who’d made that beautiful smile disappear from his face. All his brain was telling him to do was to scare him off, so he’ll be safe and wouldn’t have to deal with this mess.  
“Go. Away. I don’t need you, I’ll make it by myself, I already told you I just need a moment, I don’t need you.” when his voice met with silence he continued, “you don’t understand.”  
Finally he heard the sound of footsteps leaving and he let his body fall down the wall, hiding his head between his arms, pulling at his hair. This would be easier now that he was alone, at least he was sure he was the only one hurting.  
However, the thought didn’t bring that much relief as he hoped it would.

In fact, it brought only more pain and more voices yelling at him; Akaashi grounted, he wasn’t going to survive this. His lungs felt heavy, his diaphragm was moving at an unsteady pace, his stomach was twisting, his eyes started frantically roaming around the room desperately looking for help.  
“I’m gonna die, I’m gonna die, I’m gonna d-”  
Someone probably heard him, because the door was slammed open and Akaashi squirmed in his corner, he didn’t even had the time to raise his head when he felt a calloused hand brushing against his left arm. He kept his eyes on the floor, on the black sneakers in front of him, perfectly knowing who they belonged to.  
“Akaashi, please” his voice was calm yet so urging, “tell me how to help you.”  
As an answer, he squirmed his arm out of Bokuto’s reach.  
“Ok, I won’t touch you. Do you have your medicine here?”  
Akaashi shook his head, eyes still on the other’s shoes.He really didn’t deserve all this attention but he was drowning, and he desperately needed someone to pull him out of the waters and shelter him from the wind.  
“B-Bokuto my heart is about the come out of my chest, I- I can feel it, I’m gonna die oh god I’m gonna die” he rambled with a broken voice.  
“Akaashi you’re not dying, you’re going to be fine.”  
he saw the shoes moving in front of him as Bokuto shifted into a sitting position, his legs crossed. “I’m going to breathe real slow, can you try it with me?”  
Akaashi finally looked up to see those eyes. They were worried but, to his surprise, Akaashi didn’t find any pity in them, nor did he see judgment behind them.  
Bokuto laid his hands on his thighs and straightened his back,”you can do it.” He proceeded to breathe in calmly, hold his breath for about 5 seconds, and then let it out till his lungs were empty. With a gesture of the hand he invited Akaashi to try to do the same.  
And he tried, he did, but he couldn’t help it, he didn’t have any control over his body, “Bokuto I can’t do it” he said with a dangerously shaking voice.  
“Yes you can, Akaashi you’re making it. Do you feel air coming in and out of your nose?”  
He pondered the question for a second, “yes.”  
“See? You’re breathing.” he answered like a kindergarten teacher does with a kid.  
Akaashi fixed his eyes on Bokuto’s chest and shoulders, trying once again to follow his rhythm, but this wasn’t enough, he needed something to keep him there.  
To avoid his brain overthinking it, Akaashi brought one sweaty hand upon Bokuto’s in one abrupt motion. The boy looked at him in the eyes and interlaced their fingers together, “You’re doing a great job Akaashi.”  
“Hold me tight, i beg you, don’t let me drown.”  
“I’m here for you Akaashi, I won’t let go.”

Akaashi didn’t know for how long they stayed in that position but at some point his heart started beating again, his head stopped spinning and his guts weren’t that heavy anymore.  
Along with these things came also the realization of how sweaty his hand was, so he immediately pulled it back and rubbed it on his pants.  
“That was gross, I’m sorry.”  
Bokuto let out a soft huff from his nose, “how are you feeling now?”  
“I think I-… I think it has finished”, uncertainty in his tone.  
Bokuto scooted next to him, “I didn’t ask you that.” And even if he couldn’t see it, Akaashi was sure his lips just curled into a tiny smile.  
“I’m tired.”  
There followed silence.  
He let out a humourless laugh, “I don’t even know what triggered it, this gym is one of the safest places I know, especially because you guys are around.” A sudden concern came back to him, “did I scare them off?”  
“I told them you were sick, I think they’re still practicing out there.”  
Thank God they didn’t notice anything weird, but Bokuto had to stick with him… again. It wasn’t fair how he had always been this blinding flash of sunshine, but now Akaashi had become the dark clouds blocking his way, dimming his natural light. It really wasn’t fair how Bokuto’s heart was big enough not to notice how counterproductive it was to help Akaashi, his prime source of worry.  
He slightly parted his lips, “why do you keep doing this to yourself?”  
“Uh?”  
He hoped Bokuto didn’t hear him, but apparently he just did.  
“Why do you insist on staying with me when it doesn’t do you any good?” he asked, visibly proven by the effort.  
Bokuto turned his head towards him, his eyebrows furrowed, “‘why wouldn’t I?” He seemed genuinely confused. “You are my friend.”  
“yea, a friend who shoves his pain into your face cause he’s that needy for attention.” he stated cringing at how desperately he held Bokuto’s hand few minutes before, pleading to be saved.  
Akaashi kept his eyes on the white wall in front of him. This conversation would probably have hurt Bokuto even more, it was better to finish it off and act as if nothing happened, like all the previous times.  
“Thank you for being here for me, Bokuto”, he muttered out as he got up, “I think I’m gonna head home, you can go join the others don’t worry.”  
Bokuto immediately jumped up, a hand longing towards his friend, “oh, I can come with you, I just need to change my clothes and tell the coach and the others, wait for me Akaashi!” and with that Akaashi was left alone, dumbfounded,with his mouth half opened in shock.  
He turned to look at the mirror and saw his lips curving up in a faint smile. He brought up a hand to cover it as the tiniest laugh escaped his mouth.  
What an idiot.

Akaashi got out of the locker room and went to Bokuto, who was waiting for him at the door.  
“Ready to go?” he asked flashing him a warm smile.  
Akaashi nodded.  
And so they started walking, Bokuto’s booming voice soon covering all undesired thoughts, flowing into Akaashi’s ears like music, in perfect harmony with the nature surrounding them. Bokuto would talk about how he got Kuroo to do a backflip in a public pond and the bird’s tweeting would get sweeter. Bokuto would laugh at his own joke and the wind would transport it through the trees and the small flowers at the edge of the road. Bokuto’s eyes would look for Akaashi’s expression and the sun rays would get warmer.  
Everything in Bokuto screamed life and joyfulness and he was more than fine with just observing without interfering, so for the whole way he was the only one to speak (though Akaashi provided some soft sounds and laughs to let him know he had his full attention).  
They also stopped in front of a bookshop because Bokuto claimed Akaashi “once mentioned it” and because Akaashi mentioned it “it must be a really nice place.”  
It took a while to convince him that it really wasn’t necessary and that he was too tired for that at the moment..  
“Fine, but promise me next time you come here you’ll invite me over.”

Akaashi didn’t even notice they had reached their destination until he found himself right in front of the familiar building. He spinned on his heels to face Bokuto, “Well” he began, looking for the right words to say, “thank you for everything, really.From the… from the bathroom thing to the icecream you offered me.”  
Bokuto snorted softly, “yup and next time I’ll make you accept the offer.”  
“You sure will” Akaashi laughed. “But seriously Bokuto, you always change my days for the better in no time, even when I’m sure nothing could do it, and I don’t think I can thank you enough for that.”  
Bokuto expression become serious for a minute and his eyes seemed to focus on the other more intensively than usual. “Akaashi, before you go, can I say something?”  
He smiled softly, as if he didn’t talk enough today, “of course you can.”  
“You’re not a burden. I don’t help you because I feel like that’d be the right thing to do, I help you because I want to, because I care for you. And I know-” he was struggling for words and Akaashi instinctively reached for his hands to hold him, still a little taken aback from his speech.  
“I know I can’t understand what you’re going through but I promise that no matter how scary this thing gets, you can be sure I’ll be there to share the weight of it.”  
He was saying all the things Akaashi wished someday someone would have told him, instead of those meaningless “it will pass”, “you should roar against your problems” and “just don’t think about it and stay calm.”  
“I’m sorry I’m not good with words but… but at least my shoulders are large! They can carry your problems for all the time needed!”  
Akaashi was probably wearing the dumbest face on hearth.  
“Bokuto, how exactly... How do you manage to always do and say the right thing?” he asked, though he didn’t really need an answer.  
Bokuto sheepishly smiled and rubbed the back of his neck, “oi Akaashi don’t mess with me, you know I rarely ever do or say the right thing”, and began to laugh. It made Akaashi’s heartstrings vibrate with joy, and he reciprocated that contagious smile.  
“I must be one of the few exceptions then.”  
he said half jokingly.  
“You really are!” answered him in all seriousness.  
I mean, honestly, how does he do that?

“I think I should go inside and try to rest a bit now. Thank you again.” God, he genuinely couldn’t get that stupid smile off his face.  
“Sure, I’ll come pick you up tomorrow morning, we can go to school together.”  
They hadn’t been doing that for a while now, because Bokuto lived pretty far from Akaashi’s house and it made little sense for him to lengthen the way that much. But how could he say no to this?  
Bokuto flashed him one last cheeky grin and finally headed back home. Akaashi stood still, looking at his back till he disappeared around the corner.  
The World had been that kind to send him someone like him, he must have been a saint in his past life.  
With that thought in mind, Akaashi stepped inside and went to his bedroom, immediately flopping on his bed and closing his eyes. The storm had passed, now the waters were still, gently grazing his skin as he floated in them.  
He turned on his back and noticed that he was still smiling.  
He also noticed that the weight on his stomach had disappeared, for the first time in maybe months.  
He laughed to himself.

'You did take away some of it with you, didn’t you?'

**Author's Note:**

> leave a comment if you feel like it,  
> I hope you have a nice day (oh and remember to stay hydrated!!)  
> you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/toojjjaded) <3


End file.
